🔥Burning Questions🔥 - Living Separately with a Partner.
This is a segment where you ask, and I answer! Below you will find a question written in by someone who needs some help and I will go ahead and give my feedback!
How do I tell my partner that I want to live separately? I love them dearly but I can’t live with them. I’m miserable, I hate not having my own space, and having someone constantly around me. I feel like I want my home to be a certain level of consistent clean and organized that I cannot achieve with living with my partner. I hate watching their shows constantly and having to do a majority of the chores because they push it off for later. They continuously say it’s due to ADD and I do understand and I try to accommodate this factor. But lately it feels like it’s being used as an excuse. They don’t take their medication for it and make no effort towards progression. I just feel trapped at this point. I brought it up once and they got furious with me. I don’t know what to do.
I am so sorry your partner got furious with you when you asked about living together! That cam be a scary thought for them! It may feel like you are asking to grow further apart! I am here to tell you though living separately is totally okay! There are so many couples that live separately and absolutely love it! To name a few social media examples I have seen are the couple who bought a duplex where she lives downstairs and he lives upstairs and they leave their back door open so that they can move freely between their homes and see each other. But they're lifestyles were different and had different needs so this works for them and everyone is happy. There is also an older couple who have two tiny homes in different climates. The wife prefers to be in the mountains and the husband prefers to be in the sun and sand. They come together a few times a year in a neutral place and spend a few weeks together. But this is the life they prefer to live.
SO it is totally okay that you want to have different spaces and it does not mean you love them any less. Having different living spaces may even make you stronger as a couple. It can take the stresses that you felt with someone else in your living space away and allow you to go deeper.
I believe a great first step would be to ask them what it is that upsets them about the idea of living separately. I think you will be able to learn a lot from their responses. I can't promise that it won't make them angry to ask or upset, but do your best to remain calm and connected to them while you ask. Let them know you just want to understand them and why this hurts. Take it slow and hear them out once you know they feel heard and can explain it to you in a bit more detail past the anger phase, you speak on why it is you want it. Speak on how you think it will make you both closer. Nd hopefully this can lead to a compromise that works for both of you. Maybe you find an apartment complex and you can stay in the same building. Maybe you find two rental properties in walking distance. Or maybe you just each need your own room in the same home where they can make a mess of their space, and you can keep your space exactly how you want it and ask for a bit more alone time where you can just close a door and start to be in your own world.
Figure out what you truly need more of. It may not be that you need a whole other house. But maybe a few more hours of alone time and a little more effort from them to feel cared for.
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